Once upon a very long time ago, my mother told me, “Even if you killed someone, I would still love you.”
After my nightmare Saturday night, I’m not even sure about my late mother any more.
I’ve been having way too many nightmares lately, and this has to be one of the worst. It involves rejection from my family – not my mother this time – by some of my children.
I was standing outside, looking at the beautiful sky at night. The stars were glorious to see! Then these small shapes of white airplanes began appearing in the sky. The exact kind of markers used on radar screens in airplane control towers. The markers began multiplying. More and more, until the stars were almost all covered.
I didn’t like that sight, so I switched to a daylight scene. Still standing outside, I was now by a broken gate separating me from some real-life neighbors I don’t like, Rosemary and Karl. The gate was an old wood frame, with a metal patch on the upper right corner. The metal was weathered and blue-grey. The patch had broken loose, so I bent it back into place, but I knew a more substantial fix was needed.
I suddenly started to cry. I tried to talk to my neighbors, but they ignored me. My cries turned into sobs, and finally, gut-wrenching gasps for air.
I turned around, past an apple(?) tree, and started heading toward my mother’s house. My daughter was sweeping the porch on the second story. She was adjusting a huge, curly red wig over a small earpiece. The earpiece was some sort of phone, as she was talking to someone. I cried out to her, but my voice was only a whisper. I got closer, and tried to yell at her again. My voice was still so weak from my constant sobbing. A third time, and she surely must have seen me, if not heard me. I was obviously in pain, but she ignored me.
One of my sons also saw me. His eyes narrowed, and he glared at me. “If looks could kill!”
Another son looked down so he couldn’t see me.
I woke up, thinking I must have been screaming – could my neighbor in the next apartment hear me?
To be alone.